I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
