I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
