He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
