She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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