I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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