All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
