I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
