I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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