I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
