I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
