a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
