When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
