I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
