ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
