So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
