Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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