Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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