Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
