i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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