Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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