Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
