just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
