Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think people are normalizing furries
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
