if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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