Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
