Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
...so i touched it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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