your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
