You work out of a Hotel?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
