Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
