Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
