I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
