I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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