Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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