I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
