you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
