that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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