A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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