WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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