she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
