I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
