you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
