Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
