His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
