??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
