his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
