I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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