goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
