Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
