You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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