The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
