Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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